CRYING DEEP WITHIN

Last Sunday, the day after my husband's first marathon, I felt a heavy oppression ... I was crying deep within my innermost being ... and I had no idea "why". I am usually very bubbly and upbeat and I tried hard to put on that exterior but those who know me best asked me what was wrong. As I told them I didn't know the tears came to the surface.

What causes one to feel such a heavy oppression? I thought it might have something to do with my the marathon, and all of its intense training, was behind us. But that does not make sense because I know he will keep on training for the next marathon he can locate for Spring. I figured it was most likely my "trying" class this year, but I didn't feel that could cause me so much inner turmoil. I finally concluded it must be overall stress, even though I can't pinpoint all of its causes and I don't really feel how I think I would feel if I was truly under stress.

I do know that once I was able to sit down and try to recapture my "vision" for the Literacy Conference I will present at in November, I felt a huge relief. As I tried to figure out why I had lost that "vision" when I was so excited about it at the end of the school year, I realized that Mom's death, 3 days after the ending of the school year, was probably the cause. It is hard to believe that a tragedy could erase a vision so completely ... a vision that was also a passion deep within me.

Anyways, I just kept praying and made myself sit down for 45 minutes straight Sunday afternoon, reviewing my entries on the computer and all my chicken scratches of thoughts and slowly my vision reemerged and my tears within began to dry up. I realized I had not had 45 minutes in the past month, at least, to myself to just sit down and think due to the heavy demands of our church people's needs: accidents, illnesses, surgeries ... deaths. Wow! It made me just want to "run away" from everything church related. But by the time we got through the evening service I was already getting fired up to find another area in which I could serve the Lord. (smile)

My class has done so much better this week. Could it be because I am doing better on the inside? Probably so. Well, my husband needs the phone and this is long enough anyway.
May God meet your every need deep within as He does mine!