LIVING FOR OTHERS

Over the past week (which was also our VBS week) it seemed my entire life revolved around others ... Their problems, their sicknesses, their hurts, their joys, their stresses, their frustrations ... their past, present and futures. More and more I realize my spiritual gifts of compassion, encouragement, and servanthood ... I am the happiest when I am able to minister to others. That is my greatest joy and fulfillment!

Yesterday, outside of a school obligation in the morning, was "my day" to do things "for me". It was a good relaxing day ... a nice evening with my husband too. It was my first day in 3 weeks that I did not specifically "exercise" but that was alright, I just picked it back up today. I felt happy yesterday and I realized that, although I "hunger" to minister to others, I also need time for "me" and for "us" (my husband and family).

This morning I spent my waking hours making phone calls to more people who are hurting, sick, fearful ... just needing encouragement. I plan to visit some of these people this week, sometimes on my own and sometimes along with my husband when he is not working, and hopefully be able to go with one of them to the hospital when she has surgery. Then, as I took my "walk and talk" with the Lord, I realized that I will not have the luxury of free time to invest in "others" as I begin truly preparing for the school year next week ... This saddens me and I know there will be a great void as I return to work and lack the time to "invest in the lives of others" as much.

Suddenly, I finally came to the realization of the sadness and discouragement .. the great void ... my husband has faced all these years being a bivocational pastor. Even working days will not help him have the time to "be there" for all the growing needs that exist in our church family that he has pastored (supposedly parttime) for the past 10 years. It was difficult when we had only 20 in the church but as we now average 65 or 70, I see how impossible it seems to him. How his shepherd's heart must ache for his flock ... longing to be with them not only in the bad times but also through the good ... but his work in the factory does not allow him to do all his hearts urges him to do! I have seen him too often push himself to try to still "do it all" and one time it even led to physical problems that forced him to "slow down". I know he feels guilty taking time for himself to even continue his running and working toward his marathon this fall and, if it wasn't for me trying (I am not always successful) to "put my foot down" and make him take time for himself, his goals, (and me), he would constantly be with his "flock" as every true shepherd longs to be.

As a teacher, I get my summers "off" to do more ministering. But as a factory worker, he has no break and his "heartbeat" and calling is so much greater and deeper than mine ... My heart aches as I realize his dilemma and there is nothing I can do to help him except to pray "Lord, grant "him" the courage to accept the things he cannot change; to change the things he can; and the wisdom to know the difference." (Serenity Prayer-revised)

The solution? Who knows. We have struggled with this for 10 years but I truly never realized how difficult this must be for Jim ... how torn he must be. Sure he preaches every Sunday, but I now understand what he so often says, "I don't want to be just a preacher ... anyone can do that. I want to be a pastor ... a shepherd."

It would be easier if we had a noncaring church family and lots of unsurmountable problems in our church ... easier to "move on". I am thankful the church has grown and God has allowed us to be a part of that but the demands are so much greater and so many more families need their "shepherd". The dilemma is: Are we helping more my staying and loving them or is that being selfish? A church of this size, especially, needs a fulltime pastor to not only love them, but also to "be there" for them and theirs whenever needed ... someone who is available every day, throughout the day. Otherwise, slowly, they will fall away. We have seen this happen already the last time we reached this number and only God was able to rebuild it. I believe they could financially take on a fulltime pastor now, even though so many of them struggle financially in their personal lives and the church, in general, seems afraid to take that step. But I realize, as long as we are willing to let things "ride", they will, because ... they love us so! They see no need to change ... They don't know what they need and what is best for them because they have never had anything else. Sometimes the best way you can show your love for someone is to "let go". Sometimes you must sacrifice your own desires for the sake of those you love ... so they can grow to be all God wants them to be. Sometimes we must plant the seed, but another may be needed to water it and help it to grow.

I remember the days I had to "let go" of my children. I would have loved to have kept them "under my wing" to protect them but I knew that was not for their best interests. We had loved them faithfully (as we still do), raised them in the church, planted the spiritual seed in their lives, and done our best to teach them right from wrong and how to survive in this world. As a result of "letting go", I have watched them grow - emotionally, spiritually, in love and maturity. They never would have grown so well if I had insisted on them never leaving me. I would have stifled their growth from becoming all they have become... all they will become. How scary that is ... to let those you love so dearly out of your own constant watch and care. To entrust them into the care of others. But how exciting to see them grow, especially to be "like Jesus" ... "in wisdom, and in stature, and in favor with God and man." What a blessing to know that even though we cannot be there ... our Heavenly Father will "never leave them nor forsake them" - We can pray his "umbrella of protection" upon them and know He "is faithful to do all we ask" of Him.

Pray for us as we seek God's direction. Pray for our church ... our wonderful church family ... and that we can have strength to "be there" for them as God leads.