MY GRANDSON'S BABY DEDICATION

We went to New York this past weekend to visit Sunshine and her family and see our grandson dedicated. It was an awesome visit, even though tense at times with two sets of grandparents there. We didn't get to go up front with the family to dedicate him ... a decision Sunshine and Aaron made for it to be just their little family ... but we got to take pictures. It was so funny watching Sunshine feed him all the way up to keep him happy. He squirmed the entire time and when the pastor put his hand on his forehead to dedicate him, Canaan leaned clear backwards. I got a picture of it and Jim was videotaping. We teased the kids afterwards that their son was "slain in the spirit" when he was dedicated and we have proof of it! (HeeHee!)

Living so far away and seeing grandbabies so little makes a grandparent very nervous that they won't know us ... love us ... know how much we love them. However, Adelaide totally wiped out all fear of that for me this weekend. When we walked in the door her eyes brightened and she ran at me with outstretched arms shouting "Grandma!!" No one could prompt a child to show such sincere, exploding joy. I am blessed. As I walked out to the car to get something shortly after, Canaan yelled a protest that I was leaving without him. Yep, no doubt about it ... I am loved. Now I need to see my little Halle to make sure she still remembers me ... It's been 2 and one-half months too long !!! Thank you, God, for grandchildren. They keep us feeling young and important.

PREPARING FOR SCHOOL

I have been spending every day this week in my classroom trying to prepare for those "little darlings". The room is looking pretty good ... It better since I spent 11 hours there yesterday alone! But the organization of the new Math series materials and grant materials that have come in over the summer is overwhelming me.

The next couple days seem to demand hours of sorting, packaging, organizing, and becoming familiar with tons of new manipulatives and activities that will make learning so much more fun and effective for my students. It is a good thing I enjoy that kind of stuff .. although I don't relish having to cram it all into this week. The administration would not allow us in until one week prior to opening day. They have no idea what that means to an elementary ... especially kindergarten ... teacher.

The good news is that there are only 32 students presently enrolled for 3 Kindergarten teachers to share! Whoopie!!! The Lord knows I need a "light" year after my worst year ever last year. It will be Awesome to have such a small class to work with as I familiarize myself with the new materials. God knows my every need and continues to supply beyond my wildest dreams ... Praise His Name!!!

UNITY

God must really be smiling down on the Newton Falls Church of the Nazarene this week! We are in the midst of VBS and, I must say, even though I believe there is overall unity in our church everyone seems to be displaying it (more than I have seen in a long time) this week. In fact, my husband and I have often questioned if we should have VBS because it has often been one of the greatest factors contributing to disunity (misunderstandings, criticism, hurt feelings, etc.) in our church. Actually, that is no doubt why I am the "director" this year. Too many have been hurt by criticism and conflicts in the past when they have tried to direct it. So here I am, setting myself up with a big "target" on my forehead for people to "shoot" at as I assume this role of leadership. (HeeHee!)

I like to think that I am mature enough in the Lord that His grace will be sufficient to serve as my buffer and lesson the sting of any "attack" that may come my way as a result of it. But I honestly don't think that will be an issue this year. It appears that everyone is really trying to focus on the children and letting God use them however He pleases to fulfill this week's VBS ministry. Karen Moser has been almost more of a director than me as she has worked for weeks in organizing the schedule, helping me enlist workers, and doing unending "clerical" duties that are essential to the success of any VBS. I can say truthfully that I have not seen even one 'sloucher' among the workers. When something has needed done, both prior to VBS and daily so far this week, someone is "there" to do it. I am not having to go out and beg anyone. It seems they are all so joyful in serving however needed. Whenever I start to stress out a little over the realization that I have not done something that needs done pronto, before I can barely take a step to do it, someone is there at my elbow saying "I'll take care of it!" ... and saying it with a smile!!! I am so blessed! I am enjoying this week far more than I ever dreamed possible! I pray that God will bless these people "real good" and use them in very evident ways ... where they can all see the children enjoying learning about faith and trust in God.

Ya know, I can say with all my heart that, in all our years of ministry, we have never had such a wonderful congregation. This is a church a pastor would "die" for. Sure we have our ups and downs but nothing like most churches have. There is only one thing that makes it less than "PERFECT" for US ...the distance. If we could pick up the church and all the people with it and move it closer to our home it would be perfect for sure. The older we get the harder it is to travel the miles and as the church has grown we realize they desperately need a pastor who lives in their community and can "be there" for them as they so richly deserve. But until the day God releases us, we will lean on HIs strength to keep on trying to meet their needs,, even though we feel we often fail miserably.

WEll, the day is waiting for me. I am actually looking forward to VBS every night! WOW! THIS IS A FIRST!!!!!

WHAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND!

Sunshine, Aaron, Adelaide, and Canaan left last night for home after visiting us for a couple days. I cried like a baby and went into complete depression when they left. My honey did all he could to console me but to no avail.

I remember when our children were small and we lived out West .... Our parents were lucky to see us once, or at the most twice, a year. I realize now, even though we would try to send regular pictures, they missed watching our babies growing up. They missed watching me grow into a young adult ... a wife ... a mommy. I understand now that that is why my mom and dad were so possessive. Jim's folks never were and my mom would say it was easier for them because they had other children that lived near them ... other grandchildren to help them through the months "between" seeing us. I never could understand why my mom would cry every time we left ... I was so happy with "My Life" ... my husband, my children ... our adventures ... that I could not even begin to fathom the emptiness of hers ... the pain of separation. I wish she was here so I could tell her I finally understand ... so I could apologize for not trying to do even more to ease the separation ... But it's too late.

I am beginning to realize the full significance of the saying "What comes around, goes around" as it applies to the cycle of life. We start out as babies, totally dependent on others for our needs. And many of us, towards the end of our lives, often return to "babyhood" in the sense of not being able to care for ourselves and be independent ... needing to rely on others for even our basic needs ... not being able to understand "the world" and how things work. Also in the area of parenthood. As a child we are so "connected" with our family ... at least I was. Then we get married and have children of our own and become so absorbed in our new family and the demands and joys of life with them that we become somewhat disconnected from our childhood family which is as it should be, I know, but it is still so difficult on those who are "left behind". Unless we work real hard at it, we can actually "lose contact" with those we love so dearly ... even if they live only a few miles away let alone hours away. My Mom would be so hurt that I wanted to spend time alone with Jim when I was home (after a year of being away) to visit her for 3 or 4 days. I would say, too often, "Mom, the scriptures say that you are to leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife ... to become one". I never understood why she could not be happy for me and my happiness. Now, what went around had come around to me and I am the one standing "on the outside" looking at my children so happy in their new lives with wonderful spouses and awesome babies and feeling "left behind". I realize now that my mom was happy for me, as I am for my own, but she saw her life passing and wanted so much to just share my life with me as I long to continue to share "life" with my children and their families. There is no way to describe or explain the "emptiness" of life without them. And it is sad that, try as they may, they will never fully understand it until they go through the same experience ... having to "let go" of their little ones and watch them grow into young adults with lives of their own. Knowing that the love they are able to build with their grandbabies and maintain with thier children will greatly depend on their children's efforts to make it possible and to nurture it.

I hear grandparents whose children live nearby complain about how their children "take them for granted" and "dump" the grandbabies on them when ever they need a sitter. Pay them? Why? Aren't they doing them a favor letting them enjoy their grandbabies? So hard feelings or hurts can develop as parents start to feel they are really not loved by their children but are only being used to fulfill their children's needs. And yet I find I envy these grandparents so often ... having their grandbabies around ... being able to watch them (and their own children) grow through the stages of life. And then I sit back and realize how truly blessed I am. I miss my children and grandchildren so much but my kids and their spouses really try hard to help us feel loved and appreciated. They try hard to help us see our grandbabies even more than just once or twice a year. I know they talk about us to our grandbabies and keep pictures of us around for them to see. And they try hard to keep our own personal parent-child relationship alive and assure of us of thier love through regular phone calls at least and visits as often as possible. I know, deep down, that they long for and need that contact with us just as much as we do ... They don't do it just to "keep peace" or "make us happy". Yes, I know that. But we parents can get such a "poor me" attitude at times and question our children's love or if they really miss us. It just seems to be a "cycle of life" we all go through.

Finally, as I go through these "roller coaster" emotions, I understand why so many may get divorces later in life. Their lives are so wrapped up and centered around their children and work that they don't take time to nurture their own personal relationship. I am so thankful Jim and I did and continue to do so. We have often told others that love, romance .... marriage is something that you must "work at" to make it last through a lifetime. Sometimes you feel like "giving up" but you just hang in there and stay true and keep trusting and believing that "this too shall pass". The most important thing is to keep communicating and responding to each other ... being honest about all your needs and desires and a non accusing way - admitting that you may be part of the problem and want to be better if so. It is tough at times, but it is so worth it! When our children left home, I can honestly say I didn't go into the deep depression of the "empty nest syndrome" as so many do because I still had Jim ... the one it all began with. Sure I have had, and will have many more, bouts of the "blues" ... like I am trying to put behind me today by writing about it, but my husband understands that that is just the sensitive, totally emotional, loving woman he fell in love with and promised to stick by "till death we do part". He knows me ... I mean really knows me, more than anyone else on this earth because he has worked hard for almost 34 years now to do so. We are still developing "our life together" as it is, once again, JUST THE TWO OF US! We have found new interests, activities, and friends that are helping us to become "US" in a whole new way where we can succeed a little more easily in "letting go" of our children we love so dearly so they can develop their own lives. I don't know where I would be without my husband. That worries me at times when I am down like this too. Even though we have always vowed to "go together", what if he should pass from this earth before me? What would I do? Where would I go? What if I needed help as my mom did? Who would help me through these "missing my loved ones times"? My kids have their own lives ... I never want to be a burden on them. A part of me says I will never have to worry about that cause I am working hard to stay healthy and active. But then I think of my mom and her alzheimers ... She couldn't help it and I just had to "be there" for her. Oh well, it is time to move on with this day. I need to refocus on my Honey, our home, our lives, ...our present. "We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch ... 'fore it slips through our fingers like sand. Yesterday's gone, and tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment ... TODAY".

Seize the day, loved one. Live life to the fullest, love as though there will not be a tomorrow to show that love, enjoy the blessing our wonderful God continues to provide and PRAISE HIS NAME!!!!